T's wedding is becoming about as difficult to get into as one of those overpriced, overhyped clubs in the Meatpacking District (not that there's any overhype here -- and T's wedding will not resemble a dimly lit drunk makeout tank like some A-list NYC hangouts). But having to cut a lifetime of family and friends down to 150 people has everyone in the wedding posse contantly talking about
THE LIST. Yes, that's right, the guest list -- don't trip on the velvet rope, folks.
Of course, T would love to invite everyone to the wedding, but going into major debt over a one-night affair makes about as much sense as wearing a black thong with white pants. Not to mention the fact that having 300 people there on W-day might make for a grand entrance, but definitely can make things feel less intimate.
So now
THE LIST has become a bargaining tool between my parents. My mother has a large family and thus got a little extra love when it comes to invites. My dad on the other hand is hoping to snag a few sorry-we'd-love-to-make-it-but-can't-that-weekend openings to invite a few of his friends (It's a big day for dads, too, and the photo of walking his daughter down the aisle doesn't quite capture the real-life moment for his friends.
Men = secret wedding saps).
T started with the "must haves", the wedding equivalent of the A-List. This includes parents, grandmas, immediate family, and lifelong friends. Then there's cousins, other close friends, and maybe a coworker or two. This all leads up to the big question: To allow dates, or to now allow dates.
The rule of thumb is this: If a friend is married, it's rude not to invite his or her spouse to the wedding as well. Same goes for engaged couples. If a friend is living with his or her significant other, then it's still polite to invite both people since the invitation will arrive at their address. Everybody else? Do yourself a favor and don't pick who gets to bring a date and who doesn't. Either invite all your friends "with a guest" or invite them all solo. The only exception to this is when both the bride and groom are friends with BOTH people in couple, in which case its fine to invite both because you'd be sending them invites anyway. OR, make a rule that only people in the wedding party can bring dates (ooh, the bridesmaid selection just got trickier!)
In the end, however,
diplomacy is key. Most couples can't afford or don't want invite every person they've ever known, but that doesn't mean you won't be confronted on it. If someone asks why he or she wasn't invited, or if someone who isn't invited assumes the invitation is on the way, just be as kind and polite as possible. Something along the lines of, "We would have loved to invite everyone but we both have such big families," or "Our dream has always been to have the day be a small, intimate affair, but we appreciate your well wishes" is perfectly fair and appropriate.
The good news is this...for those who do get invited, there's no line!
As always, happy planning!
